Movie 95 Dream Well (2009) & Movie 94 Sura (2010)

David Brent

Brent in Bollywood?

1988 cast photo

‘Allo ‘Allo counts a foreign, right?

I bet you thought we had given up, hadn’t you? Well we haven’t. One of us (Craig) has been on holiday and one of us (Andy) was too scared to watch them alone. In fairness, I don’t blame him.

I think we can all agree that this list was lacking a classic Hungarian Rom Com. Well worry not, that notoriously strong genre was covered with Movie 95 Dream Well. Now, I should explain. The reason we have lumbered these two films into one post is a valid one. You will notice first of all that these films are foreign language and there’s nothing wrong with that. Both of us are huge fans of multicultural cinema. I treasure my Battle Royale DVD. Andy obsesses over La Haine. Christ, we both loved ‘Allo ‘Allo but these are all success stories. Some foreign movies are so bad that they do not even justify for the production companies to sanction them being subtitled or dubbed. That’s right, we watched Dream Well in Hungarian for the entirety of the movie. Now, you can understand why these are a little more brief than our previous analysis.

So to Dream Well or Dream.net as it is also known. It really is insignificant in the end and if any of the writers are kicking themselves for choosing one over the other, they really shouldn’t. Either way it was shit. A brief synopsis will tell you that Dream Well is about a surprisingly ugly cheer leader with too many teeth who goes to a private school, where pupils wear shirts cut off at the shoulder, and finds life difficult. From what I can decipher from my basic Hungarian (I know the words Goulash and Budapest) Regina moves to the private boarding school, becomes mortal enemies (sadly no one dies) with the resident horrible bitch and fancies some fella who seems to be a bit musical. A midst this and I am not sure for what purpose, she decides to start a cheerleading squad for the handicapped. I cannot be sure it was for the handicapped but the standard was particularly poor so I can only presume so. Now, I could be right or it could’ve been an Eastern European undercover crime thriller where a prize racehorse masquerades as a schoolgirl in order to infiltrate a sex slave ring for mal-coordinated minors. I don’t know. it was in Hungarian.

In fairness, I have seen various American equivalents and I very much doubt it is deserving of the bottom 100 status. There is an online rumour that it was voted in as some political propaganda in Hungary in protest at the government. However, bearing in mind at one point Regina says yes to a question on the phone by nodding down it, I am not sure it is that sophisticated in its message.

I would say, if you’re not Hungarian, don’t watch it. And if you are Hungarian then I wouldn’t watch it either.

Craig

Sura was next on our list. I can honestly tell you I have no idea what this movie is about. Sura appears to be a vehicle for lead Vijay to show off his skills. Does he sing? Yes! does he dance? Yes! Does he swim like a dolphin? Yes! Does he act?……..Well, he sings, dances and swims like a dolphin, you can’t have it all! From doing some research, it seems like this guy is a bit of a sycophant and the movie kind of views like a David Brent showreel but it’s in South Delhi not Slough.

The opening scenes clearly are some sort of homage to Saving Private Ryan as boats frantically hit the shore with chaotic camera work disorientating you. Well that’s what I thought at first. Then I realized that this shaky camera technique seems to applied the whole way through the film. It is very distracting and quite frankly awful. If the producers had submitted this to ITV then yes, they would have made some money but unfortunately it would have been £250 and come with a Harry Hill voiceover.

Bollywood admittedly isn’t my cup of tea but it is hard not to admire the huge choreographed dance sequences and catchy music. The beautiful sari clad girl will be woo’d by the chiseled jaw of the Indian God who weirdly seems to win the girl through the medium of dance.  Well Vijay only contact with a chisel seems to be when one hit in in the face as a child and it was probably the only time in history that the father of the groom was paid a dowry. If you do get a chance to listen to any of the songs then you really do have to. It is the only time in my recollection that autotune  has been used on a Bollywood track.

If you genuinely want to know what Sura (or Shark in it’s English release) is about then like twitter I’ll sneak it into 140 characters. Good bloke helps fisherman. Girl likes good bloke. Bad guys hurt fisherman. Good guy wins. We ask for refund.

Vijay had hoped the movie would kickstart his political aspirations in the vein of Arnie or Ronald Reagan. With any luck  “4 more years” is not only his political aim but also how long he leaves it before he even thinks about another movie.

Thankfully, we are now back on track and only another 93 to go. In English this time, please.

Andy

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